Why 1:1 Meetings Are the Most Important Leadership Tool
& My Four Go-to 1:1 Questions
The most important tool in a people leader's toolkit isn't a performance review, project plan or metrics dashboard. It's the 1:1.
Whether you call them check-ins, catch-ups or one-on-one meetings, consistent 1:1s are one of the most effective ways to build trust, increase employee engagement and support performance.
In my days at Capital One we called them 10-10s. I think the idea was 10 minutes for the employee to discuss topics and 10 minutes for the leader. I don't know about you, but I've never successfully had a 10-10. Mine usually last closer to 30-30. Ha! Whatever you call them, I find the 1:1 / check-in / one-on-one to be critical for manager effectiveness.
Dedicated 1:1 time allows you to connect directly and genuinely with your team. It builds trust, alignment and accountability.
From an employee's perspective, dedicated time with a manager sends a powerful message: you matter. Plus, employees need space to ask questions, discuss challenges, seek guidance and gain clarity. Regular 1:1s don't just improve work outcomes - they improve connection, engagement and trust.
Here's a key point - the 1:1 is not about you, the leader. It's about your team. It's for your people. Sure, you'll have a list of things you've gathered to address - direction, key updates, feedback and development conversations. However, the purpose of a 1:1 is first and foremost to serve your team. Your job is to listen and pay attention.
How Often Should Leaders Hold 1:1 Meetings?
I think 1:1s are so important that you should schedule them first on your calendar. They take priority. Sure, move them around during the week, but don't cancel them. Consider them protected time.
My 1:1s are one hour every two weeks. They may shift around on the schedule, but they are sacred. It's time to catch up with my team and for them to get what they need from me. One of the leaders on my team prefers to meet with her team weekly. That's awesome. For me, every two weeks provides enough time for attention to critical work, a catch-up on priorities and to dive deeper to see how they are doing. And of course, we touch base regularly throughout the workday as needed. Some matters don't wait for the next 1:1 - it's just the way of things.
How to Structure an Effective 1:1 Meeting
I've said this already, but let me reiterate: 1:1s are your teams' time. Let them talk first. Your job is to listen. Listen actively. You'll have time to squeeze in your list of items to address, don't worry.
🎯 A quick reminder about active listening: Your job isn't just to hear what your employee is saying. It's to understand the message behind the words, ask thoughtful questions and stay curious before jumping to conclusions or adding your own anecdotes.
Sometimes you'll need to guide the conversation, especially when you are new to a team or establishing a regular 1:1 practice. Or maybe everything is going so peachy that there are few work updates to address. Never fear, I've got you covered in my go-to list of questions to use during 1:1s.
Four Powerful 1:1 Questions Every Leader Should Ask
I keep four questions in my back pocket for 1:1s. I use these early in a working relationship when I'm getting to know someone. I'll also pull out one or more of them when I sense we are going down the road of 100% project updates in a 1:1. Project updates are, of course, important. But that's not the crux of what moves team performance forward. Your job is to get your team performing optimally and for that you'll need to focus on how they accomplish work and where they are developing.
So, with that in mind, my four go to 1:1 questions that you're welcome to adopt for your own use:
My Four Go-To 1:1 Questions
How are you (really)?
What is going well? or What are you proud of?
What's your biggest challenge right now? or What's next on your priority list?
How can I help? or What can I help you learn?
Let's get into the power behind each question:
1 How are you (really)?
Check in on work and personal life, if they would like to share, that is. My goal here is to get to know my team - with as much context as they want to share. I love hearing about kid's soccer updates, care for parents, family vacations, personal struggles (well, I love being an ear and supporting where I can.) We are whole people. Get to know the whole person, appreciate the whole person and you'll engage a whole mind.
After question 1, you'll likely get project updates - they need your time and ear. That's great. Remember, you're actively listening. They'll likely need help with challenges or barriers. But don't ask yet - you can ask about that in question 4.
2 What's going well / what are you proud of?
Help them celebrate what they are doing right. We don't spend near enough time applauding what's going well. That's the stuff we want to repeat, so let's learn about it and appreciate it.
You should be making notes, BTW. It makes appraisal season much easier if you keep a note or drop file for your folks. This jogs your memory on specific wins.
For question 3, I have two options for you. Choose the option that best fits the situation you noted in the project status updates. If an employee is working through a challenge, use 3A. If they are wrapping up work and looking ahead, use 3B.
3A What's your biggest challenge right now?
In most cases, your team knows exactly where they are having issues and where they need support and coaching. They might surprise you and bring up a challenge you had no idea about - something that connects dots for your awareness or that you'll need to run interference on or just provide a listening ear or another way to think about things.
The trick for this question is to remain in coach mode. You're not solving. You're listening and asking questions to help them find the next best step. The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier comes to mind here. One of the questions he recommends is perfect…"What's the real challenge here for you?". The goal isn't to give the answer. The goal is to help them discover their own answer.
or
3B What's up next on your priority list? Maybe projects are wrapping up and it's time for the next thing. In that case, I'll prompt for what's next to get my peeps strategically thinking about their prioritization list and to ensure that they are thinking about department objectives. Assuming you've set those, the team should be keeping those in mind as they are considering where to direct their focus or the attention of their own team.
And one final question - I'll offer you two options here, too, depending on what you learned from question 3. Either:
4A How can I help?
This is where you are asking them about obstacles they may need support on or where you might need to run interference. Be careful you don't take on work - you are asking where you can support versus offering to take on a task.
Or alternatively, if they've got things in hand, let's turn to a final development question:
4B What can I help you learn? This is a strategic question to get your team thinking about what's next. That might be what's next as a career step. It might be what needs to be learned for excellence in the current role. Again, you've got your coaching hat on here - you're not telling, you're asking open-ended questions to get them to think through what's next.
Ok Friends, there you have it - my four go-to 1:1 questions. I hope that you find these are helpful for your leadership style or if you're a Talent Development or HR Pro, pass them along to the leaders in your circle who need your support.
Over time, you'll likely develop your own go-to questions as your leadership style evolves. That's great. Rock on. The best 1:1 questions are the ones that help you build meaningful conversations with your team.
Additional Resources for Better 1:1 Conversations
To get you percolating on your own go-to questions, following are a few articles that included well posed 1:1 questions:
Culture Amp is a trusty resource, and their article on one-one-meeting questions is worth a review.
For new leaders, the 5 questions in this Forbes article are strong options.
Finally, here's a great article from HBR with questions employees can use to gain momentum in their work and help their manager avoid micro-managing.
Your Next Leadership Challenge
If there's one idea to leave you with, it's this: protect those 1:1s.
Great leadership isn't built in annual reviews, via dashboards or in grand town halls. It's built in consistent, genuine conversations.
Schedule the time, protect the time and keep them consistent. Show up curious. Listen more than you talk.
Great leadership happens one conversation at a time.
📣 If you are a Talent Development or HR Pro, consider sharing these questions with the managers you support. A strong 1:1 habit can only help your work in engagement and talent development.
Finally, what are your favorite 1:1 questions? I'd love to hear what's working for you. Share them in the comments.
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